Fears and Prayers

I began catching up with everything I've missed for the past couple of months, since I haven't been able to surf for so long. :) 2 months had passed and I'm finally waiting for that estimated (or unestimated???) due date that's just crawling by. The 38th week has finally arrived, people!!

It's scary and terrifying. It really is.. But carrying this child has its advantages and... pain??? LOL! I feel like I've been growing up so fast (mentally) for the past few months alone. And it's no easy task.. God, help me.. (=,=)

I can't wait for the day I can finally look into the little one's eyes and wonder how I got so lucky. Maybe a more overwhelming feeling than what I get when I look at my hubby's face late at night. Wow, that's deep.. Hehe.. But what's worrying me is whether I'll survive to even see his face. Sakit bersalin tu kan yang paling sakit lepas mati. I can't help but worry, not just that. Even if I do survive, the process of making the child into someone, untuk jadi anak yang soleh, is a harder task for the parents. And I'm scared that I'll fail miserably.

Well, we do see all these children abandoned and we see how they turn out to be. And it scares me to think of the child's future. Sure, he (or she) will get one very loving father and probably a strict mum, but I can only pray for his (or her) safety dunia Akhirat. *sigh*

Ya Allah, Engkau permudahkanlah aku untuk melahirkan anak ini ke dunia. Moga dia menjadi hamba-Mu yang bertaqwa. Engkau selamatkanlah anak ini, Engkau ringankanlah beban sakit itu nanti, ya Allah. Sesungguhnya Engkau sahaja yang tahu tahap kemampuanku, Engkau sahaja yang Maha Mengetahui, ya Allah.

Ya Allah, aku pohon redha-Mu dan pertolongan-Mu dalam mendidik anak ini. Aku tak mampu, ya Allah. Janganlah kerana dosa-dosaku rosak binasa anak ini. Aku pohon keselamatannya dunia Akhirat kerana di Akhiratlah tempat tinggal yang abadi. Aku tak mampu, ya Allah.

The First Raya

Where should I start?? Ok, here goes...

This time 'round, Raya holds a lot of memories that I wish to ever keep; My first Raya with my hubby (that's one!), going through Ramadhan and Aidilfitri carrying this bulging tum-tum (:D), and for a first, without my parents since they're both in Mekah for Umrah. Oh, and BTW, awaiting for the new addition to the family.

Cooking for Raya brought a new perspective in me. I'm no longer cooking for my family, but also for my husband. Wow... that's another thing to take care of. Well, I'm usually 'bantai-bantai' when it comes to cooking, but cooking for him??? Terlebih manis ke, kurang masin ke.. It's bringing out the paranoid side of me. (LOL!) Hmm.. He's a better cook than me (obviously!), even MUM brags that to my face. Mentang-mentang menantu dia lagi pandai masak dari anak sendiri.. Hehehe.. :D

Staying like this, in a way, (I think...) makes us closer than before so I'm beginning to appreciate the alone time with him. Hahaha! It's hard to get any privacy when he's busy with his stuff!

And seeing him interact with my siblings is a plus. Even though, Tasha and Mikhael both 'malu-malu' with him. Kelakar tengok!

Speaking of which, at most times I can just see the movement the baby makes. My tummy moves in a (vibrating??) way that sometimes freaks me out. (2 more months to go...) It's scary to even think of the birthing process. I still think it's going to be a boy...

Eid Mubarak, everyone! Maaf Zahir dan Batin! :)

' Salam Terakhir' by Sudirman

Balik Kampung' by Sudirman

"No Other' by Super Junior

'A Year Without Rain' by Selena Gomez

I'm trying and trying..

Hurm...

Sometimes the best for you may not be something you like and make you a bit down. They say change is for the better, and I pray so too. This life is filled with ups and downs that will not settle until you're 6 feet under. Well, that's a life for the people He loves and I pray I am one of them.

It's so hard to fight the feeling. I do not want to feel this way when I should feel that this might be the best decision for me. I'm torn between following and staying behind. But I do not want to leave him at a time where he needs me. And I know he does.

But being a loyal daughter in-law, I will obey and hope that by tomorrow it will leave my heart in peace. I will be loyal and faithful. That is my promise.

Ya Allah, make me worthy of Your Love... Amiin..

"Cinta" by GH
"Hold My Hand" by Maher Zain
"For The Rest of My Life" by Maher Zain
"Try Again" by Aaliyah
"Ya Rab" by Marwan Khoury and Carole Samaha

For He shall I...

Things went haywire today as well as I did. It's been crazy for the last few days that I just got fed up. Hmm.. I pray things'll get better. They usually do, so I put hope in that.

Being a wife full-time is no easy work, people! You need physical and emotional and spiritual and more bla-bla-bla prep. I knew it anyways but because I knew I was ready for that new status change, I went for it. God knows what I've learnt in the past few months already. :)

I've thought this through and I'm sure that I won't regret this. I know He's always there for me as long as I live. He knows how confused I was before accepting this and how sure I was when I accepted this.

God is my everything. For He is the reason. For He shall I live and die. For He shall I ask for everything. For He shall I be strong. For He shall I strive for His love and His all. For He is The Only who decides. And I pray for Your Worthiness and Your Forgiveness, Ya Allah...

'Cinta' by GH

Fast Forward in Slow Motion

It's been long since my last blog. Everything is so hectic, in a way, that I simply had no mood to write a blog.

Things happen so fast that I'm trying to take it all in at once. But I'm merely human; it didn't work. Some stuff stuck out more than others and require most of my attention. Maybe because it was something so sudden and quick. Irregardless, I'm thankful for it. :) Some others are thoughts that always haunt me. And some are blessings in disguise. With Allah, you'll always have to read between the lines in order to really understand it. If you don't, your faith is on the line.

Problems and obstacles are definite in life. You can never escape them. If you do, recheck what you've done wrong. Because the ones that He loves are always faced with obstacles and challenges. Their faith and TAQWA is what pulls them through. But reaching for that level is never easy. You'd face things that most people say, 'to keep your feet planted firmly on Earth'. It's practical and never theory.

Ya ALLAH, I'm scared of what is in store for me. But I know You do this because You love them who love You. May I be one of them and never my faith crumble to the ground..

Rewind, Play, Rewind, Play; In My Head!

Us against the world

Against the world

Us against the world

Against the world

You and I, we’ve been at it so long

I still got the strongest fire

You and I, we still know how to talk

Know how to walk that wire

Sometimes I feel like the world is against me

The sound of your voice, baby

That's what saves me

When we're together I feel so invincible

Cause it's us against the world

You and me against them all

If you're listening to these words

Know that we are standing tall

I don't ever see the day that

I won't catch you when you fall

Cause it's us against the world tonight

Us against the world

Against the world

There’ll be days

We’ll be on different sides but

That doesn’t last too long

We find ways to get it on track

We know how to turn back on

Sometimes I feel

I can’t keep it together

Then you hold me close

And you make it better

When I’m with you

I can feel so unbreakable

Cause it's us against the world

You and me against them all

If you're listening to these words

Know that we are standing tall

I don't ever see the day that

I won't catch you when you fall

Cause it's us against the world tonight

We’re not gonna break

Cause we both still believe

We know what we've got

And we’ve got what we need alright

We’re doing something right...

Cause it's us against the world

You and me against them all

If you're listening to these words

Know that we are standing tall

I don't ever see the day that

I won't catch you when you fall

Us against the world

You and me against them all

If you're listening to these words

Know that we are standing tall

I don't ever see the day that

I won't catch you when you fall

Us against the world

Yeah, it’s us against the world, baby

Us against the world

Tonight

Us against the world

Against the world

Us against the world

Lately

The last few days have been weird, but ok. I'm finding myself to enjoy cooking and cleaning up more lately. Has it got to do with me trying to be a better cook?? Wow, that sounds weirder. Haha!

BTW, we're leaving for Uzbek soon but I'm not sure when. A lot of things have been going on at the mo' and I'm having my hands a bit full with my a-bit-chaotic life. Not to mention that I'm supposed to bring my hubby to meet Wan ages ago but I still haven't.. Hmm.. I wonder if she's still mad?..

Nana has got K-Pop fever! Haha! Now the whole world knows! She's gonna kill me when she reads this. :P Well, I, myself, am starting to enjoy K-Pop as well. (The horror!!) But I kind of listen to SuJu and Girls Generation's "Gee" only. Sometimes you just need to filter and control how much you listen to the stuff before you get too addicted... Like my sister. :D

My appetite is getting.. bigger?? I don't know I guess being happy now just makes me want to eat more. Haha!

These are pics to a friend's reception and she's my age. I didn't have lunch that day so the food counted as late lunch. I was going for prawn-mania the whole time! Hee..

If you see closely in a few of them, there was a plate next to mine full of prawn 'skins'. A shared plate between Aqis, Lia and me. We went all out! And had a great time. :) So I guess my pact to eat less is out of the picture!

"Gee" by SNSD

"Why I Like You" by Super Junior

"4ever" by The Veronicas

"Wana Ben Edeik" by Nancy Ajram

"Sooner Or Later" by Michelle Branch

Drop The Ball

I'm worried... Is it just nature taking a detour or is it something else that changed it all?? Wow, I'm thinking of the pros and cons (which appears on my face every time I'm deciding something) and thinking of how it would affect everyone including, especially myself. I'll wait for a little while then, I'll try to get to the bottom of this. How am I gonna start???

Hmm... I'm missing a lot of people right now. Lia, Aqis, Sarah, Ayien (who's due next month; happy!), Fah, Nisa, etc. There're a lot and I'd better stop before I get going. But I tried to get my mind off things, I cooked. :D My special daging masak cina. Hehe.. That worked, for awhile. Then, BAM! it got started again... Oh God....

BTW, sudoku-mania has started. Again! :P

"Poker Face" by Lady Gaga

"For The Rest of My Life" by Maher Zain

"Out of My Hands" by Milow feat. Marit Larsen

Dell Inspiron 1440

Notice the title...

Haha! It's been quite awhile since my last blog entry. I was busy going here and there, meeting the people, especially ones I haven't seen since I got back from Jordan. Hmm... I've been away too long. A lot had changed in just two years, friendships broken and renewed. :)

Ok, back to business. I've been planning to get my own laptop for so long. And I found what I wanted yesterday. :D

Dell Inspiron 1440.

Intel® Pentium™ Dual Core T4400 (2.2GHz/800Mhz FSB/1MB cache)

Genuine Windows® 7 Home Premium, 64bit, English

320GB¹ SATA Hard Drive (5400RPM)

3GB² Shared Dual Channel DDR2 at 800MHz

Microsoft Works

Nice eh? And I want it in blue!

I surveyed at the Low Yatt Plaza yesterday and asked a few questions and saw what was truly my heart's desire. Besides having that sleek design that I wanted, the price was reasonable as well. Now, off to ask dad.. :P

What about that iPod I wanted to get my hubby??? Hmm... *thinking hard*

"Bangsaku" by Abdul Wadud

"I Can Transform Ya" by Chris Brown

"Radio" by Girlicious

"Satelite" by JC Chasez

"Us Against The World" by Westlife

It Won't Be Soon Before Long

Still sick.. Hmm.. I thought I saw blood when I was coughing... Well, I don't think it's that bad. It was dark. I might've seen it wrong. Whatever! Zue and the others will have a fit if I told them. "Alyssa, go see the doctor! This might turn worse tau!" I have great friends. :) Imagine the bigger fit when I tell my hubby. Since I told him I'm only a TAD bit sick. *frown* Do I look pale?

I'm leaving for Perak soon and might not be online for awhile. I'll miss Facebook-ing and blogging. But I'll find a way. Somehow.... Leaving tomorrow morning and finding the courage to call my granma and tell her how much I miss her. :( I hope she's cooled down a bit.

Can you believe it?! I missed the show last night. I couldn't stand too long last night because my head was still spinning. And I don't trust myself to even move when he sings. I'm such a klutz, I'll be hazardous to myself. Who knows what'll happen in my condition?!

I'll be seeing him tonight though. I guess that makes up (to me) for last night. :D God forbid me to trip over my own feet in front of him! Hahaha!

'Make Me Sick' by Danity Kane

'Say Ok' by Vanessa Hudgens

'Last Night' by Diddy feat. Keyshia Cole

'Unrehearsed' by Jesse McCartney

Thankful :)

God, I feel feverish today. Maybe it's because of the fact that my brother has a sore throat, my sister has a running nose and my dad is sick. But it's ok. Sakit tu penghapusan dosa. *Smiles* My head is spinning, I have a running nose, though it's not as bad, and a sore throat. Hmmm...

I met up with my hubby (heart heart) yesterday. He was surrounded by a mass of people so we didn't get to talk for long. So I went back there today but he was out with his brothers. He's singing again tonight and I don't think I'd be able to go and give my support. :( But still, I'm thrilled for him. The busy man. :D I'm now seeing everything in a totally different perspective. Being the wife that I am. Everything seems to be in a new light. Thank You, God.

Had Pizza Hut last night! God heard my prayer! Haha! Imagine Peperoni Delight Stuffed Crust Cheese... *sigh* Yum yum! So it's all good.... And I slept well that night, good dreams filled my head, but still, I woke up feeling sooooo tired.. It's God's way of showing how much He loves me. :)

I'd be worried if there're no obstacles or hardships in my life. The people He loves will always have ups and downs, each testing them, bringing them closer to Him. Those unfortunate might stray away from Him. & God forbid me to turn out that way.. Bring me closer to You, Ya Allah. Don't let me forget You, who I'm forever indebted for...

MR Celebration: ((Day One))

We've only just begun. MR Celeb in Rawang was amazing and it's only the first day!

My hubby was there to lend his voice and I can't seem to concentrate well when he does. *grin* It's hard to stay focused when he sings and I have an attention span of a sponge. I tend to daydream a lot. Haha! But he was busy and so was I so we didn't get to meet. Yet. *grin*

I was a bit out of it tho. A lot of things are going on at the mo' and I can't help but worry about stuff. Being the worry-wart that I was, things just started to blow up in my mind. *sigh* I haven't got the chance to meet him so I didn't get to salam him and minta maaf since I'm not a perfect wife. It's a long to way nak jadi Isteri Solehah.. But I'll try my hardest though. Shouldn't we anyways? :)

It was also a bit of a reunion. I met my 'preggers' old bestie, Ain. She looked gorgeous with that glow and that cute tummy. What kind of woman doesn't want children? I do, just... in time. And of course, I met up with my sister in-laws and the other fam members. Even the ones I haven't met yet.

I wonder what tomorrow brings... :)

Maulidurrasul: Remember him

It's only day one and it's full-blown festival to be remembered. The day when all the Muslims in the world are reminded of the one person born on this day, the worthiest of all, Rasulullah SAW.

Remember how the world bowed to him as the greatest leader of all time and the Empire of Islam that he built many years ago in the name of Allah? Well, today's the day we should have sat and thought, "Without him, I won't be the person I am today; I wouldn't be this Muslim praying to Allah 5 times day and night."

Reminisce that and think. "Do I remember Him the way He does? Do I appreciate His Loved One (Rasulullah SAW) the way he does?"

Do you remember the story, where an old man hated Rasulullah so much that he couldn't even hear RSAW's name? How RSAW himself brought the old man far away and entertained the man until he (RSAW) died? S. Abu Bakar continued on as RSAW had trusted him so but the old man noticed the difference. He said that Abu Bakar R.A. wasn't the same person who had treated him before. That was when the truth was finally revealed. Abu Bakar R.A. said that RSAW was the one who had treated the man with such care and the old man was so shocked that it led to his death. But before he did, he converted to Islam.

We couldn't have done that; we couldn't have treated someone with such patience and sincerity. We are fragile humans with no such strength to be as kind; Imagine that one person who we detest, would we have done the same?

Reminisce, think and learn.

Taking My Time

Wow... Never thought that I'd finally start up a blog. :P Well, it doesn't matter. I prefer writing things down. Memories, poems, whatever. Makes sense that one of my most prized possession's my diary. Hmm.. Took me years to start one and here I am.

A lot of things have happened in my life and I'm thankful that God has bestowed a lot upon me. Many wouldn't recognize the important things in life once they see it and I'm no exception for that matter. I took my time to grow up and made life-altering decisions that not only altered mine, but also someone else's.

But I know that in the long run, if I may say so myself, with everything God had given me, it's turning me into that woman I thought I'd reach in many years. I realized I grew up and He knew every change that could give me a chance to survive in this cold hard world. A lot didn't think it was but I know that it is He who knows best.

Zue, ILYSDM. Ain, you'll always be my childhood bestie/cuzzie. :D