Family Trip

Sorry, I haven't been blogging for a few days. My mind was cluttered and I was pretty sure that everyone will probably understand nothing of my posts. *grin cheekily

I cannot express how thrilled I am to have finally touched a horse yesterday. But not just any old horse, ARABIAN HORSES. Which have been proved to be the best of its kind. Genetic wise and all that.

I feel flashy though. My abaya was probably attracting a lot of attention. Especially with all the light bouncing off of me. :D But nevertheless, I had a good time, eye-opening rather than fun though. And came home tired but happy.

I thank You ya Allah, for giving me this experience. 

Guilt Trip :(

So here's the deal, I'm supposed to help out at the cafe with the catering and stuff. At first, I started out at 7.30am, but now I'm starting to come late and stuff, causing me, myself and I to feel guilty. But now I've been hanging out with my two nieces that I've been coming late, as late as 9.30am. -.-"

So from now on, starting from tomorrow, I vow to leave with Mak Tok at 7.30am and no later. Better said, I'm leaving with Mak Tok. I can't take this guilt trip, especially when she comes early and leaves late, whilst we came late but returned home early.

Ya Allah, help me in becoming a better person, to treat people with more respect and to feel more considerate to others. o:)

Hoping For Patience For HIM

Here I am again. Another entry today but I guess I have more things to say.

A few events happened today and made me more and more sure that for every obstacle we're facing, there is always a reason behind it. My life story was pretty much out on the open today; and I don't blame anyone but myself.

Having it out on the open made me feel a bit embarrassed to the people around me, not to mention the people I've been avoiding on BBM. *sigh*

I don't have anyone else to blame. It was solely my fault. But in a way, it made me feel a bit relieved. It meant the world for me, knowing that Allah was paying attention to me, knowing that He loved me enough to give me this test so I can't help but strive my best to get through it.

This one person I know, went through this similar situation that I'm going through and came out of it stronger than ever. I'm trying my hardest to be just like her, striving my everything just for His Love and Forgiveness. And for me, and as it should for everyone else, that's the only thing that matters.

I may have said this a thousand times. May it be for me or for any of you reading my blog, as a reminder for all of us; of how we should've turned to Him during our darkest and hardest moments and being optimistic and positive that He has a better chapter in store for us, waiting for us to turn the page.

My mum has been pretty supportive of me. I was sad that I'd disappointed my parents but my mum has this weird but rightful thinking, saying that she's happy for me. She said of how this is proof of Allah's love upon me and that I should be thankful of that and just be patient and calm throughout the whole process. He will never disappoint me as long as I 'baik sangka' with Him.

Words and actions may never break me, as long as Allah gives me strength in my every step. For He is my Saviour. Striving for His Love is difficult but I've made up my mind to never stop until I've finally reached Him.

Ya Allah, aku kan hamba-Mu. Taubatku tidaklah sesempurna mana, tetapi moga dengan setiap airmata yang aku titiskan kerana dosa-dosaku, akhirnya Engkau terima jualah diriku. Jadikanlah aku seorang yang takut and gentar pada-Mu dlm setiap saatku. Dengan ini, moga terikatlah hatiku pada-Mu dan redhalah Engkau padaku.

Ya Nur Muhammad, rinduku padamu belum lagi mendalam, belum lagi mampu mencintai kau sepenuh hatiku, belum lagi mampu menegakkan sunnahmu sepenuhnya, biarpun pada diriku sendiri, tetapi moga dengan berkatmu, wahai Rasulullah, aku mampu juga mencapainya. Kerana mendapatkan cintamu adalah sama seperti mendapat cinta-Nya.

Amiin... 

Diary [?] entry of the day

Today has been okay, so far. I went into my super-cleaning mode which is pretty hard to get into lately and lasted throughout the whole process until everything was shiny and clean. Hurmm... I'm pretty lazy most of the time (when my hubby's not around, duh..) so when I do I make the best of it.

I've been ignoring stuff for the past few weeks in order to get through all these hills, trying to climb up to make my way over. But you know, there're always stuff 'in the dark' just waiting for you to slip up. Ya Allah, I'm trying here. I know this won't be easy but please be there for me in order for me to survive. I can't do this without You..

P/S: I miss Bie so so much. :(

Back now for a new ME

Okay, so here I am once again. Wow, have I missed on writing on my blog and it seems like I've missed on a lot of things. Hurmm... So here goes..

Here he is, my year-old baby boy. My bundle of joy, one of the reasons of comfort I find in every single blessing He has given me. :)

Muhd Arif Zulqarnain was born at 5:45pm (est) on Dec 12th, 2012. Weighing at 3.48kg and a length of 56cm (gulp!), I fell in love as soon as I saw him. Thank You, ya Allah for giving me this healthy baby boy. :)

A lot of stuff has been going on these past few years that I've realized how blessed I've been, but as a human, usually we forget how we're blessed with everything He had given us that we start focusing on what we DON'T have. *sigh* I am sad to admit that I am one of those people.

But yes, as human, we can't escape that fact and only the ones who truly crave for His love will overcome that particular obstacle.

So now I stand, fully regretting every single sin, every single mistake I've made and now I bear the consequences. It is at a point where I truly made up my mind and my soul to never disobey and repeat the same mistake I had done. Especially every single mistake and distrust I've placed upon someone so close to my heart.

Sometimes when you feel hurt, you tend to ignore your surroundings and wallow in your misery. But some 'emos' (like me), are just one of those people who just breakdown or worse, hurt the people around them. *sigh* And for me, I've done both..

I immersed myself inside my own world, ignoring the pull to go back to reality, where eventually hell broke lose whenever I resurfaced back to the REAL world. My fantasy world may be my comfort zone, where I ignore the depressions, the problems and the frustrations.

But then, whenever I do, I forgot He who gave me all these obstacles in life and I failed to remember how every storm has a silver lining; how every sadness, there will come another brighter chapter in life to rejoice; and how every single test we go through has His blessing and forgiveness in the Here-After.

I forgot how I should have turned to Him and turn my back to His open arms. And now shall I face the consequences of what I have done. My heart should've leap back to it's Creator but I held back into a world where nothing good will come out of it except for temporary numbness and eternal pain.

For now, I can only repent with every part of my heart and pray that He will accept my repentance even as imperfect. And make-do with what I have left and make the best of it.

Ya Allah, ampunkanlah aku. Taubatkanlah aku dengan sebenar-benar taubat dan kuatkan hatiku dengan rasa takut dan cinta kepada-Mu pada setiap saat yang berlalu. Ya Allah, ya Nur Muhammad, jadikanlah hatiku mengenang-ngenangkan kematian setiap saatku dengan penuh rasa gentar pada-Mu. Moga dengan ini, hatiku tidak lagi terlepas dari takut, cinta dan rindu pada-Mu. Moga dengan ini, aku tidak lagi tertipu dengan dunia dan nafsuku yang hanya membawa kemurkaan-Mu.

Amiin..