Back now for a new ME

Okay, so here I am once again. Wow, have I missed on writing on my blog and it seems like I've missed on a lot of things. Hurmm... So here goes..

Here he is, my year-old baby boy. My bundle of joy, one of the reasons of comfort I find in every single blessing He has given me. :)

Muhd Arif Zulqarnain was born at 5:45pm (est) on Dec 12th, 2012. Weighing at 3.48kg and a length of 56cm (gulp!), I fell in love as soon as I saw him. Thank You, ya Allah for giving me this healthy baby boy. :)

A lot of stuff has been going on these past few years that I've realized how blessed I've been, but as a human, usually we forget how we're blessed with everything He had given us that we start focusing on what we DON'T have. *sigh* I am sad to admit that I am one of those people.

But yes, as human, we can't escape that fact and only the ones who truly crave for His love will overcome that particular obstacle.

So now I stand, fully regretting every single sin, every single mistake I've made and now I bear the consequences. It is at a point where I truly made up my mind and my soul to never disobey and repeat the same mistake I had done. Especially every single mistake and distrust I've placed upon someone so close to my heart.

Sometimes when you feel hurt, you tend to ignore your surroundings and wallow in your misery. But some 'emos' (like me), are just one of those people who just breakdown or worse, hurt the people around them. *sigh* And for me, I've done both..

I immersed myself inside my own world, ignoring the pull to go back to reality, where eventually hell broke lose whenever I resurfaced back to the REAL world. My fantasy world may be my comfort zone, where I ignore the depressions, the problems and the frustrations.

But then, whenever I do, I forgot He who gave me all these obstacles in life and I failed to remember how every storm has a silver lining; how every sadness, there will come another brighter chapter in life to rejoice; and how every single test we go through has His blessing and forgiveness in the Here-After.

I forgot how I should have turned to Him and turn my back to His open arms. And now shall I face the consequences of what I have done. My heart should've leap back to it's Creator but I held back into a world where nothing good will come out of it except for temporary numbness and eternal pain.

For now, I can only repent with every part of my heart and pray that He will accept my repentance even as imperfect. And make-do with what I have left and make the best of it.

Ya Allah, ampunkanlah aku. Taubatkanlah aku dengan sebenar-benar taubat dan kuatkan hatiku dengan rasa takut dan cinta kepada-Mu pada setiap saat yang berlalu. Ya Allah, ya Nur Muhammad, jadikanlah hatiku mengenang-ngenangkan kematian setiap saatku dengan penuh rasa gentar pada-Mu. Moga dengan ini, hatiku tidak lagi terlepas dari takut, cinta dan rindu pada-Mu. Moga dengan ini, aku tidak lagi tertipu dengan dunia dan nafsuku yang hanya membawa kemurkaan-Mu.

Amiin..